Vegan Princess in an Omni Kingdom

Adventures of a vegan girl living in an omni world.

Dating and Well, Not So Much September 22, 2011

Filed under: Dating and relationships,Life — bookie85 @ 4:09 AM

Well, I got dumped for being vegan again. Well, at least this time I got dumped specifically for being vegan. In the past it was more of the unspoken “I don’t get this part of you, but I am a jerk if I say I am dumping you because of that, so I will make up another reason.” But, yeah. Tonight it was because I am vegan, he doesn’t get that and says he never will.

So, now the question is, what happened? Where do I go from here (besides back to that glass of wine and out to dinner with my girlfriends on Saturday night)? Is it worth it to date another non-vegan? The question now is whether or not I will be able to trust dating another non-vegan again, since this is apparently the most divisive issue about my personality (according to those I have dated), even though I am not a super annoying vegan, and I don’t push my agenda on people.

I should have gone to that dating panel at Vida Vegan Con, in hindsight. Oh well.

All is not lost, however. As my wise friend said to me tonight, remember what Colleen Patrick Goudreau said when asked if she would still be with her husband if he wasn’t vegan, that it wasn’t about whether he was vegan or not, that she wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t a compassionate and open minded person. So, I guess I am looking for that. Compassion, whether he is vegan or not.

What are your thoughts on vegan/omni relationships? Can it work or will there always be some sort of tension?


9 Responses to “Dating and Well, Not So Much”

  1. Geanna Says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that!! I think being in a “mixed” relationship can totally work. In fact, I’ve never dated vegans, and that’s never been an issue in any relationships, so like you said, the key is to just find a compassionate and open-minded man. I know he’s out there! Good luck!

  2. Helen Says:

    Sorry to hear about the break-up, but it sounds like you’re better off without him! You shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t respect your beliefs, whether or not he “gets” them. Boo. Hope you’re okay!

    • bookie85 Says:

      It will be fine. I am frustrated right now, but that is better than sad, although I am sure I will work my way back to that point. I am trying the “be busy so I can’t feel lonely” plan. I am thinking of a certain vegan scavenger hunt for the 1st for starters.

  3. Colleen Says:

    First of all, definitely his loss! It’s not like you were keeping your veganism a secret in the attic (oh yes, that was a Mr. Rochester reference), he know all along. That has got to be frustrating 😦

    Speaking as one of your omni readers, though, I think that a vegan/omni relationship poses a lot of challenges. For Kevin and I, cooking and eating is such a large part of what we do with our time together. Even beyond meat/no-meat, if we had significant differences in our food views (like if one of us hated ethnic food, if one of us wanted to diet, or if one of us stopped liking beer) it would definitely put an unnecessary pressure on our relationship. Obviously, every relationship is different, but since we cook 90% of our meals at home, it is difficult to imagine cooking separate meals and eating different dinners instead of doing those things together.

    I think also that a life-choice like veganism is reflective of other attitudes that you have wrt how you treat the world, and that you might have more philosophies in common with a fellow vegan (it’s like how it wasn’t a requirement for me to be with someone of the same religion, but since Kevin is, we tend to have the same views on a lot of other issues outside of the church). Hopefully that makes sense.

    Time for some wine and Pride and Prejudice viewing.

    • bookie85 Says:

      That does make sense. It is the compassion, the open mindness that is present in my veganism that is a requirement. In regards to food and cooking I have been the one who knows how and enjoys it in all of my relationships thus far, making it a default that I would make all of the meals. That could be a problem too since it places me in control, making it as if I am pushing an agenda when really I am just making what I will eat.

  4. melly Says:

    Relationships are about compromise. If you expect your boyfriend to happily eat your vegan meals then in turn you should be willing to eat something he prepares occasionally and likes, even though you are not omni. It is the all or nothing attitude that gets in the way. Maybe you can skip the steak or chicken but should you always turn down everything, that includes a little bit of milk, egg or butter.
    A wise man once said beware of all words that can end in ism. People will kill for them. Vegan is one of those words. Life is not black and white no matter how much you may wish to make it that way. To be vegan or not is not something that should be an absolute, despite what other vegans tell you. You will miss out on too much of life it you insist in living by absolute rules made by someone who tells you must.

    • bookie85 Says:

      I never said that he had to eat my way all of the time, in fact there were many times when he had his cheese pizza and I had my vegan pizza (or whatever else) It is about respect for the other’s opinions. I didn’t make him eat my food, and he shouldn’t (and didn’t) make me eat his.

  5. sarathlete Says:

    It can definitely work between an omni and a vegan. My fiance is an omni and I’m a vegan. What makes it work for us is having respect for each other. He is understanding of my food choices and I am understand of his food choices. On the rare occasion that we do go out to eat (and believe me it’s rare) he always makes sure we go someplace that has vegan options. He will even buy me a vegan chocolate bar once in a while if I’m having a bad day. It really is what relationships are all about: respect and understanding for one another.

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